T and M Family Notes

It's so weird to see all these posts from so many years ago.

4 years since I met you

Dear Soul Mate,
I found you four years ago. Opened the door and there you stood, eyes twinkling. Time did indeed pause - just long enough for me to know that I was love struck...and that I must quickly make a dash for the kitchen, far out of view from the man that could melt me, before I became a love puddle on the family room floor. You still make me swoon - more so than ever. I love you, love you, love you!!!!!! We complete each other so beautifully, making us better together than separately. I am so blessed to know and love you and be known and loved by you! It is a miracle, our life together - and the children we help to grow. The understanding, acceptance, respect, appreciation and adoration you give me is divine - all with a laughing, lovely heart full of patience, honesty, trust and hope. I thank the universe for Us!!! I forever use our meeting, and the love that has resulted, as an example of how the power of the universe is real and always at work in our lives, if we are real with ourselves and those with whom we share this world.
I love you, TW, with all my Being.
M

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing. 

Little T and little G

Little T is so full of smiles and giggles -- so very easygoing and mellow and delightful and lovely and wonderful...and WOW we love her so much. Hard to believe she is a week shy of 5 months. Little G, in contrast, is a shattered soul full of solemnity and anger. He has begun to truly understand that he is not the center of the universe and is reacting quite badly as a result. He has his good days and his very hellish days, but mostly he is just sulky and clingy. Now, I am sure that I have completely ruined my first born, my first chubby bubby of love. Two plus months since my last post and my relationship with my two kids couldn't be more different. Such guilt - there is just not enough mom time for the both of them. Now, not only do I feel deprived of me, but now the children do to.

Little G and Little T

Little G is the best big boy. We love little G soooooo much. He is such a delight - so clever and full of laughter. His sister, little T, is not so fun. She cries a lot and at an ear-piercing pitch. I am sure I have scarred her for life. In fact, I think I did a pretty good job of messing her up well before her birthdate. Woe is me. Sometimes I think this is all a mistake. And yet my life has never been so full of love. The paradox of being a mother, hating it and loving it.

Mother Revolution

Ohhh, about a year ago, Tom, you exclaimed "what society?" in reference to my tearful screaming in the middle of the night about how much motherhood really sucks in today's society (after three months of motherdom, I knew I had received the short end of the person-stick...I was melting away, fast). It was maddening to have that be your response to my lonely isolation. And I was quite ready to pick up the bed and hurl it at you with the force only a desparate mother can know (actually, I think I tried to rip apart the tissue box - and failed). But, those words hurdled my way at 3am stuck with me. What society?

So, fine. If I am not happy with how motherhood is understood and practiced in today's America of 2005, then this bitch mama is going to start doing something about it.   

Think to care

I just took the "what type of thinker are you" quiz that T did and referred to sometime back in a previous log...

I could not be more different from T in how I think. Our many conversations and misunderstandings over the last few months have revealed this. As has this quiz (see below for results). Amazing that we are so very compatible...I love you, T! :)

I am an Interpersonal Thinker and an Existential Thinker.

INTERPERSONAL Thinker:

• Like to think about other people, and try to understand them
• Recognise differences between individuals and appreciate that different people have different perspectives
• Make an effort to cultivate effective relationships with family, friends and colleagues

Other Interpersonal thinkers include
Winston Churchill, Mother Teresa, William Shakespeare

Careers which suit Interpersonal thinkers include
Politician, Psychologist, Nurse, Counsellor, Teacher

EXISTENTIAL Thinker:

• Like to spend time thinking about philosophical issues such as "What is the meaning of life?"
• Try to see beyond the 'here and now', and understand deeper meanings
• consider moral and ethical implications of problems as well as practical solutions

Other Existential Thinkers include
The Buddha, Gandhi, Plato, Socrates, Martin Luther King

Careers which suit Existential Thinkers include
Philosopher, Religious leader, Head of state, Artist, Writer

I must admit, though, that it is sometimes very hard for me to accept let alone appreciate that other people have different perspectives when that "other" person's perspective is based on lies to the self.

How to help?

How to help those that don't want to be helped? This question has increasingly bothered me for some years now, on both a personal and more global level.

When growing up, my mother was the person I could not help when she needed it - and denied it - most. As a twentysomething, it was a fallen Russian that I could not save from himself. Now, at thirty, I find that I cannot help my husband and father-in-law reunite, and I cannot help my brother create happiness within himself. Perhaps this all sounds obvious, and maybe familiar, to readers, but I may never come to terms with the fact that people resist so strongly to finding love in their hearts and sharing it with others when, in fact, that is the very thing all humans need and desire most.

But how to accept one's inability to help those one loves? And is it something we should even accept?

Mama Said

Mama said Mama sad.

"Men are fathers" but "mamas are people too". Being daddy is one part of the man but, it seems to be the expectation of the day (that I fall prey to daily), being a mom means trying to regroup and get that me-part of the self stuck back on the spit-up on, baby food smeared and chalk and crayon marked personhood of who you were becoming pre-baby(ies) or who you wish to evolve to become now that mommy has somehow overshadowed your own individual identity.

Finding your soul mate and creating a family is a primary urge that many of us not only strive for but are consumed by -- including myself -- and I think that is a most wonderful thing. Really, finding love and creating and sharing love with your family...nothing is better. Love is what we humans are truly all about. It should always be the priority in one's life.

But when that love within your self wishes to reach beyond the limits of your family and into your neighborhood, community, city, state, nation and to other lands of faraway brothers and sisters...there needs to be a way to support those love interests too.

How can mothers be leaders both inside and outside the home?

Miss You Already

Can't help crying. Dropped my parents off at the airport this morning. It will be another 2 - 3 months before we see them again. Just not right. I miss them terribly. I can tell little G does too.

I hope little G will always need his mommy and daddy the way I still need mine.